The dangers of secret keeping in Addiction

Family secrets in addiction

Families living with addiction, especially drug addiction or alcohol addiction are often families who keep secrets. Sharing your life and home with someone who is struggling with addiction causes severe strain to the entire family. A common defence mechanism is to avoid the problem, this avoidance creates a pattern of secret-keeping that only complicates the problem. The energy it takes to keep addiction a secret and the isolation it promotes affect the family in many ways.Addiction thrives in the darkest corners; places where the only hope that remains is that everyone will stay silent, and the addiction will eventually fade away. We keep our loved one’s secret addiction from friends and other family members.

Secrets keep maintains denial

Addicts hide what they use, how much they use, when they use, how they use, how they get their substance, how much money they’re spending on it and who they’re hurting in the process. Keeping this information hidden can become a full-time job.They will blame those closest to them for their behaviour and avoid responsibility by manipulating the truth.Many have difficulty accepting that their substance use has gotten out of hand and spiralled into a full-blown addiction. Hiding their addiction from others enables them to remain in denial about their use.

Families are afraid of the stigma

Those in active addiction are worried about the prejudice that surrounds addiction and do not want to be treated differently by others.This thinking could extend to the rest of the family, many people still mistakenly believe that it is a weakness, not a disease (if the person really wanted to stop, he or she could do so at once). Family members that don’t want to be stigmatized will keep the addiction a secret to protect their reputation.

Secrets-keeping because of shame

Families also keep addiction a secret due to the fear of exposing their own shame. They believe that if anyone found out, their world would fall apart and their lives would be forever changed. This fear is based on the false belief that they are somehow defective or deficient as a family because this has happened to them. The individual or family develops a mask to hide behind. Shame-based families live with the rule “don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel” as a way to deny the shame they feel.

Secrets keep you sick

While loved ones may only see the negatives of revealing the secret, the truth is, bottling up the truth is a defence mechanism. The anxiety, stress and chaos of addiction become such a large part of daily live, they develop a way to function by avoiding exposure of the problem.Keeping secrets doesn’t just make things worse, it keeps you and your loved one sick. The longer you hide their addiction, the longer they will continue to drink or use drugs. Keeping the secret allows the addiction to spiral further and further from the truth – and from help.

Breaking the silence

Addiction is a manipulative and cunning disease that thrives in secrecy. Start by breaking your silence, harness your inner strength and talk about what’s going on. You are not alone. Continuing to bury your loved one’s addiction isn’t healthy for you, for the person using, or for any member of your family. Addiction shouldn’t be your family’s secret.

The family needs help

Crossroads Recovery Centres provide family workshops and support groups, you can learn the best approaches to dealing with an addicted lovedone and how to look after yourself in the relationship. There you can also gain the support from other parents, spouses, siblings, grandparents and friends of addicted loved ones. This support is vital to following through with the changes you need to make, and it can send a powerful message to your loved one.

RESOURCES

http://www.addictioncampuses.com/blog/keeping-secrets-for-your-addicted-loved-one-is-deadly/

Stories of Recovery

• The encouragement, love and support from the team at Crossroads allowed me to eventually see that I was worth something - that my life could be turned around and that I could accomplish the things that had long been a forgotten dream.
  Oliver VG
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• On the last day of my stint at Crossroads I could only express gratitude towards all who works there. A wise councillor once commented on my question when one is ready for rehab by explaining that when one is ready for rehab, rehab is ready for you.
  Johan B
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• I was lost and my soul was broken until I ended up at Crossroads and was introduced to the Twelve Steps. With the help of their excellent staff and amazing support I have recently been clean for 18 months, I could not have done it without them!
  Carla S
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• "Just for today I am more than three years in recovery. I have Cross Roads to thank for this wonderful gift. Cross Roads helped me to set a firm foundation in my recovery on which I can continue to build."
  Angelique J
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What You Need to Know About the Rock Drug

The use of the rock drug dates back thousands of years. It is a drug with a long history of abuse throughout the world, including South Africa. If you or a loved one is abusing this drug, know that recovery is possible. One of the first steps towards finding recovery or helping someone you love to enter recovery, is to understand the effects of this notorious substance and the most prevalent symptoms of drug abuse.

What is the Rock Drug?

Like a variety of other street drugs, the rock drug is extracted from a naturally occurring plant. Also known as “crack cocaine, nuggets and candy,” the rock drug is extracted from the South American coca plant. In essence, crack is a variant of cocaine, although the latter is used in powder form, while the rock drug comes in blocks of white, yellow or pink crystals and is smoked in a pipe. The use of the drug causes a fleeting but intense high, resulting in an increased heart rate, a feeling of heightened awareness and a noticeable surge in energy. Once the high tapers off, the user may be left feeling depressed, edgy and in certain cases, extremely paranoid. The pressure that the effects of the rock drug puts on the body means that users are more susceptible to heart attacks, strokes and seizures.

Side Effects of the Rock Drug

Disturbed Sleeping Patterns: The intense high that the use of crack cocaine causes, is not conducive to sleep. Recent studies have also shown that the use of this drug can cause major disturbances in one’s circadian or biological clock due to excess amounts of dopamine in the brain. For this reason, abusers of crack often show noticeable signs of sleep deprivation, such as dark circles around their eyes, irritability and sallow skin.

Tooth Decay: One of the most prevalent signs of crack cocaine addiction amongst long-term users is tooth decay. Drugs that are stimulants like crack cocaine can cause users to grind their teeth, which can wear away enamel over time. The rock drug also decreases the amount of saliva in the mouth, causing what is known as “cotton mouth.” This can lead to a decrease in the amount of good bacteria in the mouth and ultimately, advanced tooth decay. Crack users often also have cracked or blistered lips as a result of using a hot crack pipe.

Aggression: When addicts cannot get their fix in time for the craving to be alleviated, restlessness, mood swings and paranoia can set in. Users of crack cocaine often become aggressive when they are prevented from getting high and are known to lash out against those around them. It is not uncommon for users of the rock drug to believe that those around them are plotting against them. As a result, addiction can lead to extreme isolation as well as severe depression and anxiety.

If you identify these side effects in yourself or a loved one, know that help is readily available. Contact us for a free consultation and we’ll support you in your recovery journey.

Sources:

Foundation for a Drug-Free World
Verywell Mind 
Drugabuse.com

Stories of Recovery

• The encouragement, love and support from the team at Crossroads allowed me to eventually see that I was worth something - that my life could be turned around and that I could accomplish the things that had long been a forgotten dream.
  Oliver VG
  Read more
• On the last day of my stint at Crossroads I could only express gratitude towards all who works there. A wise councillor once commented on my question when one is ready for rehab by explaining that when one is ready for rehab, rehab is ready for you.
  Johan B
  Read more
• I was lost and my soul was broken until I ended up at Crossroads and was introduced to the Twelve Steps. With the help of their excellent staff and amazing support I have recently been clean for 18 months, I could not have done it without them!
  Carla S
  Read more
• "Just for today I am more than three years in recovery. I have Cross Roads to thank for this wonderful gift. Cross Roads helped me to set a firm foundation in my recovery on which I can continue to build."
  Angelique J
  Read more

Read more

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Addiction as a Family Disease

The connection between the family and the addict

A person with the disease of addiction is often not the only one who suffers. Often, the family closest to that addict is affected. In most cases, the family members of an addict or alcoholic suffer emotional, mental and psychological pain as a result of their loved one’s actions. But why is this the case? Families are often believed to be systems that form their own organisation and they develop ways of interacting with each other and the outside world. A change within the family system can lead to changes in the greater system. How does this happen?

How Addiction effects the family

Addiction and alcoholism usually affect the family in many ways. They can experience short-term or long-term effects, usually caused by the addict/alcoholic involved. In most cases, the damage starts off slowly. The addict/alcoholic may be able to hide their addiction well and the family still have trust in them. This can then escalate to strain within the family unit, which eventually leads to mistrust and broken relationships. As family are closest to the person with the disease of addiction, they notice first hand the physical and emotional symptoms the addict/alcoholic may encounter such as aggression, weight loss, isolation, etc. Relationships often become sensitive as they may confront the person addicted which may lead to arguments or violence if the person addicted is in denial. This causes immense emotional and mental strain on the loved ones trying to help. Drug addiction and alcoholism usually causes broken families, lost friendships and ends up leaving the person alone and isolated. Statistics show that 1 in 5 children grow up in a home where their parents abuse drugs and alcohol and 19% of individuals between 12 and 20 experiment with drugs and alcohol due to peer pressure at school or trying to escape a toxic home environment.

But how does the family play a role in all of this?

Family roles in addiction

Even though the addict may or may not cause most of the destruction within the family, often family members can play roles that can cause more harm than good. It is important to understand these roles and how to get help for these. Family members may often be in denial about their loved one’s addiction, refusing to accept they have a problem and letting them carry on as they are. The most common role is that of the enabler and/or rescuer which may often enable the addict by taking responsibility for their wrong doings, cleaning up their mess such as paying off their debt or even making excuses for them at work. Some family members may become extremely co-dependent.

Some signs of a co-dependent relationship can include control, nurturing, and maintenance of relationships with individuals who are chemically dependent.  

So, what can the family do?

Support for family affected by addiction

The family often places their loved ones in a safe environment to receive treatment and they are left to pick up the pieces. This creates chaos in their lives. For this reason, it is very important that the family seeks support for themselves on how to deal with their loved ones once they find a new path to recovery. Most treatment centres will have family support groups. Even if their loved one is not in treatment it is important for them to gain advice and counselling on how to get help for their family members.

There are support groups such as Al-anon and Nar-anon for families to cope with the stress of having a loved one who suffers from the disease of addiction. They can also investigate Tough Love groups.  

• Dominique Le Claire Rossouw

Stories of Recovery

• The encouragement, love and support from the team at Crossroads allowed me to eventually see that I was worth something - that my life could be turned around and that I could accomplish the things that had long been a forgotten dream.
  Oliver VG
  Read more
• On the last day of my stint at Crossroads I could only express gratitude towards all who works there. A wise councillor once commented on my question when one is ready for rehab by explaining that when one is ready for rehab, rehab is ready for you.
  Johan B
  Read more
• I was lost and my soul was broken until I ended up at Crossroads and was introduced to the Twelve Steps. With the help of their excellent staff and amazing support I have recently been clean for 18 months, I could not have done it without them!
  Carla S
  Read more
• "Just for today I am more than three years in recovery. I have Cross Roads to thank for this wonderful gift. Cross Roads helped me to set a firm foundation in my recovery on which I can continue to build."
  Angelique J
  Read more

Read more

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